The Star Wars franchise is comprised of approximately 4.5 good movies. The original trilogy, The Last Jedi, and about half of Revenge of the Sith. That’s it, the rest is either good stories with goofy execution, bad stories with great execution, or godawful fan service. And now, hit and miss TV shows that need to be chopped down to half their length to be good. Anyways, I almost tore through this with a ScreenRant-esque top ten list of things that exhaust me (I used to work for them during the lockdown days for some side money) but fuck it, this is a ramble now, no structure. Why am I here? It’s May the 4th, Star Wars day, there’s that new Obi-Wan show, uh-
I don’t care.
Especially on the heels of The Book of Boba Fett. God, that was some cringe. Just completely undid the arc from The Mandalorian and now we have two barely distinguishable “honorable warrior” types in similar armor who barely talk. Like, why couldn’t they make Boba Fett a mean piece of shit? Why couldn’t we just once, have a nuanced and complex character? A goddamn thought beyond “pew-pew, good guys and bad guys!” We live in a post Rise of Skywalker world, the franchise has been shit on so hard that…somehow, magically, it retroactively made everything else worse. That’s how bad Rise of Skywalker was. And yet, just when I think it has hit rock bottom, Star Wars insists on hitting rockier bottom, every fucking time, without fail. The Last Jedi was a nice breath of fresh air in the middle of a shit sandwich, but it’s pretty much irrelevant now, and it wasn’t enough to avoid suffocation from the slew of other projects Star Wars has thrown down to try to mimic the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Star Wars used to be a once in a generation event, now it’s this obnoxious shit that won’t get out of my face every week and I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I’m starting to have low opinions of people who like this fucking garbage now, I’ve become a snob! But can you blame me? I mean, really, the stinky little piggies just love to eat this slop up, and as much as I’ve soured lately on Marvel, at least I’ll get a good movie once in a while! Star Wars? Well, if the Marvel formula is getting old or too saturated, imagine a hand me down of that, dialed even further to its worst forms because for whatever reason, Disney is just that confident Star Wars can’t fail.
